FORBIDDEN GRIEF

FORBIDDEN GRIEF

Many prochoice activists don’t want to know that many women deeply regret their abortions and suffer from mental health problems afterwards. The FB Page run by Repealers called ‘In Her Shoes’ who collect stories of women who have had to go to England for abortions do not welcome stories if the woman suffers from depression as a result. The only depression they concede is the depression resulting from having to travel. An FB friend had an abortion some time ago. She regrets it, and sent in her story. They didn’t want it.

A post-abortive woman who posted in the prolife ‘Courage to Love’ (on Facebook) https://www.facebook.com/Couragetolovestories/ feels depressed and sad. The only support and kindness, she says, is from prolife people. Prochoicers tell her to deal with it. They are no help. They don’t accept that she feels like that. They tell her she has to take responsibility for her decision.

Emma Beck from Cornwall was a talented young artist. She aborted twins at 8 weeks. She killed herself soon after. ‘I want to be with my babies,’ she said in her suicide note.

Jade Rees was a young mother. The last song on her phone was ‘Small Bump’ by Ed Sheeran, a song about miscarriage, found after she killed herself shortly after an abortion.

Bollywood actress Jiah Khan left a note also citing an abortion which hurt her deeply as partly the cause of her taking her own life.

Many studies show that abortion is a causal factor for suicide.[i]

One reason that people active in the prolife movement are able to support women who have had abortions is because many of them have had one, or several, or like me have had a hand in one. I could rattle off a long list of activists here in the USA. Perhaps the most significant was Norma McCorvey, whose case led to Roe v Wade which swept away all abortion bans in the USA. ‘I think it’s safe to say that the entire abortion industry is based on a lie’ she said in later life.

Alveda King, niece of Martin Luther King, had two abortions. She now runs ‘Unborn Civil Rights’ an outreach to poor, African American women. An astonishing number of African American babies are aborted compared to Caucasian or any other race. Abortion businesses target poor, black neighbourhoods, and have no difficulty in charging exorbitant fees. Don’t ‘Black Lives Matter’ in the womb as well? Is abortion all they can offer these poor women?

But back to Ireland - I’ve read many stories over the years. Here are some I have heard. A girl was strongly advised to go to England by her older, married sister, it would be the best thing for her, there’s no way she could look after a child, etc. After the abortion, her sister became pregnant and was very happy about her pregnancy. The younger woman was very hurt – it caused a breach between them.

Another woman broke down after an abortion when she saw a mother cat caring for her kittens.

www.womenhurt.ie has some heart-wrenching stories of regret, but also, healing.

People may say: ‘Oh that’s just Catholic Ireland. Woman are made to feel guilty.’

Post-abortive Japanese women buy a statuette called a mizuko jizo. They keep it in a temple and visit it. They bring warm clothes for it for the cold weather. Fathers visit too. This statuette represents the little one they killed in the womb. They rock it and apologise to it and weep.

Doctors also come to the temple to be purified after performing abortions.
https://www.nytimes.com/1996/01/25/world/in-japan-a-ritual-of-mourning-for-abortions.html

It’s beginning to be recognised that men suffer also after their child has been aborted. In many instances they were relieved by the decision of their wife or partner to end the pregnancy and were supportive and paid for the death of their own child. But in time, they too can be consumed with regret. There are also men whose children were aborted against their will. These are bereaved fathers as much as if they had lost their son or daughter after birth. Needless to say, that’s a very forbidden grief.

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[i] The increased risk of suicide following abortion has been recognized in Australia as well. The 2013 Queensland Maternal and Perinatal Quality Council report noted:

Suicide is the leading cause of death in women within 42 days after their pregnancy and between 43 days and 365 days after their pregnancy. There appears to be a significant worldwide risk of maternal suicide following termination of pregnancy and, in fact, a higher risk than that following term delivery.

The potential for depression and other mental health issues at this time needs to be better appreciated. Active follow-up of these women needs to happen. Practitioners referring women for termination of pregnancy or undertaking termination of pregnancy should ensure adequate follow-up for such women, especially if the procedure is undertaken for mental health concerns. Read more here:
http://www.lifenews.com/2015/12/11/bollywood-star-committed-suicide-after-massive-guilt-following-abortion/